Pimple

Have you ever sent someone a text or a photo and later realized that you sent it to the wrong person? It's worse when the person you sent it to by accident is your mother.

I was at work one day and I noticed that I had a disgusting pimple on my face. It really wasn't that bad but what does one do when this happens? Take a picture and send it to your spouse! So I took a crazy picture of myself that essentially looked like the female version of Nick Nolte (see below).


I had just gotten a new phone and I was still getting used to the keyboard and I send this picture to my mom with a caption that said "I have a huge pimple!" As I see the message sending, I instantaneously notice that the recipient said "Mom" and those next few moments played out in slow motion while screaming "No!!!!!" in my cubicle. So I decided to follow it up pretending like she was my intended recipient with a "haha. I'm playing with my new phone and taking pictures". You know it's bad when your mom doesn't know how to respond and telling you/asking you that you're cute. Instead of typing out the text as I normally do, I decided to post a screen shot of it so you can get the full affect.

She tries to change the subject while trying to tell her own daughter that she's cute but posts it as a question when in reality she's frightened. Over the next week, when I spoke to her over the phone she would ask me if the pimple was gone and randomly still brings it up.

Needless to say, I now check the "To" box on my text messages about 5 times before pressing send.

Facebook

I know I've mentioned this before but it definitely needs to be repeated...one should put serious thought into accepting your mom's Facebook friend request. I felt bad since my mom had about 10 friends so I accepted the friend request without putting much thought into my decision. At the time, I didn't realize that every one of my status updates or anything else I post would result in a text and/or telephone conversation discussing the post.

My status: "had a stressful day and can't wait to get home from work"

And the texting begins...

Mom: "why r u stresful?"
Me: "I just had a long day"
Mom: "why? r u ok?"
Me: "Yeah i'm fine. I just had a lot of work and it was just a long day."
Mom: "but why? u r no ok"
Me: "It's just a status, I'm fine"

This was not sufficient information and a phone call followed:

Mom: "What happened?"
Me: "Nothing! I'm just tired"
Mom: "Oh my god, ok I'll call you later"

These conversations take place even after a good status update.

My status: "excited to go out to dinner!"

Mom: "Where r u going?"
Me: "I'm going to dinner with a couple friends"
Mom: "where r u going"
Me: "We haven't decided yet"
Mom: "thanks for invite me!"

I will obviously be changing my privacy settings so that certain people can't view my status updates. That is, until I am asked why I don't ever post anything since her News Feed is doesn't have much.

What I would imagine my mom's reaction is to my status update of me going out to dinner...without her.

Gardening

If there's one thing that I hate doing most in the house, it would be gardening. Thankfully, I'm married to someone who hates it just a little less than I do and is willing to do it. I'd clean the entire house, hand wash our cars, and cut the grass all in one day rather than just do a little gardening. You are probably thinking if I hate gardening, then why would I rather mow the lawn? It's not as bad, you just push the lawnmower and then you're done. It may not make much sense to many of you, but I'm sure there is at least one person who understands. Anyway...I was helping out gardening because we were putting mulch down and while I was taking one of my many breaks I noticed my mom had texted me:

Mom: "Hi, how r u"
Me: "Good, i'm gardening. how are you?"
Mom: "Nice is good terapy. I'm home"
Me: "I hate gardening, this is not good therapy at all"
Mom: "I think is nice good terapy but u dont have much to do, was so nice arrange"
Me: "No I'm putting down mulch. I'm not planting anything new"
Mom: "Ok look nice"

At this point, I stood up and looked around to see if my mom was hiding in the bushes and wondered how she saw it.

Me: "How do you know it looks nice. You're not here"
Mom: "I just know.."
Me: "That's just weird"

I'm now scared that my mom is somewhere in my house at all times...

What I pictured my mom to be doing during this text message exchange

Voicemail

As long as I've had a cell phone, I've always had a problem checking my voicemail. This problem is mainly due to laziness so if I missed a call, I probably didn't get back to you for a while and not because I didn't want to talk to you, it was because I actually didn't know why you called until about 2 or 3 days later. I found the whole having to call your voicemail, put in your pin and then listen to all the messages so time consuming so when I installed the Google Voice app on my phone, I thought everything would change. Google Voice has a voicemail to text feature that would allow you to play the message immediately, along with just quickly read it. Awesome, right? Not if you have an accent or if you are soft spoken, then it's just simply hilarious.

My dad, unlike my mom, is soft spoken and doesn't go into detail in his voice messages or texts but Google Voice somehow translates them into messages that I decided to put into random posts.

Translator:

"Hey and just want to mention that I don't know this is. I shouldn't be a host of thing. They made a bet on it with you called that you guys that one time I wanna go over the next time I think you know I governor. If you want to go. Give me a call and then I need to be okay bye."

This was one of the first messages I received from my dad and I stared at longer than I usually stare at messages. He shouldn't be a host but he made a bet on something that I told him about since I obviously know the governor? Well, just to be on the safe side, I pressed play to hear the actual message.

Actual Message:

"Hi Jenny, how are you doing? I just wanted to mention that your grandmother is at your aunt's house and she made both kinds of cookies. One with the eggs and ones without. Give me a call if you're going. Ok, Bye"

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Translated Message:

"Yes any. The. So much to and then romando going over the place. I don't see anything that looks like this. So, give me a call that the service to you later. Okay bye."

Who is romando and what kind of service is he performing? On second thought - I don't want to know. I'm too young to know and will always be too young.

Actual Message:

"Hi Jenny. I'm upstairs and I'm looking around but I don't see the pictures you were talking about. Give me a call. Oh wait, it's late, I'll talk to you later"

Needless to say - the app isn't very accurate but it does make for some good quotes.

Room Number

I remember when I was younger that my teachers would always say that they had eyes in the back of their head and could see everything you are doing while they are writing on the board. I always thought the same about my mom. She knows where I am and I always figured she just installs a GPS device on all of my electronics and knows where I am at any given moment. A good example and proof of that is here.
I recently got married and before leaving for my honeymoon, I warned my mom that she wouldn't be able to speak or text me for a while since I was traveling internationally. I told her that I would give her a call when I had a chance. She said she understood, but let's face it...she didn't and apparently had other plans in mind. It was the 2nd day of my honeymoon and I decided to buy a calling card and call my mom. She didn't pick up the phone so I left a quick message telling her we got there safely and the hotel was really nice and I would try to call her back in the next few days or so. After a couple days, I called my mom again and we chatted for a while. I wasn't sure how much longer I had on the card so I told her I would call her when we got back to the United States.

Me: "I'll give you a call when I land at the airport"
Mom: "I want to tell you about my new car. I'll call you there"
Me: "I don't even know the number here and I'm heading to the beach now anyway"
Mom: "I know it. You're in room 1345"

Please note - I never told my mom what the name of my hotel is. Not because I thought she would stalk me but between the wedding and everything else going on, I simply forgot.

Me: "How do you know my room number?"
Mom: "I called the hotel and they gave it to me"
Me: "They just gave you my room number? That's weird"
Mom: "Yeah, I called your room but you weren't there. When are you going to be there?"
Me: "That's so creepy! I don't know, I'm on my honeymoon. I'm going to the beach now"
Mom: "I'm no creep. Ok, maybe I'll call you later"

Had I known that I, like a celebrity, needed to make sure the hotel didn't give my room number away, I would have. I never spoke to my mom again while I was away but I still wonder how many times she did call my room hoping I would be there.

You're Going To Pipi!

Yes, it's been quite a while. So let's jump right into it, shall we?

As you may know, my mom sends me a text every morning to ask how I am. There is the random phone call because, as she puts it, "I want to hear your voice! No typing!". As you might remember, I receive a daily "how are you?" text. However, today it turned into "I Jen hor r u?" At first, I assumed that she wasn't great typing with her new Droid phone (yes…she felt the need to become much more technologically advanced and get a Droid. At least 3 times a week, I get a confused phone call because there are so many buttons and applications). But after that text, I receive the "how are you" text. Was my mother trying to insinuate something? Was she trying to get me out of denial and write something I should say…"I, Jen, am a whore?". I wasn't sure if I should take offense to this. So I did what any child would do in an awkward situation…I ignored her.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

For Halloween, I dressed up my Corgi puppy as a hot dog. As a proud parent who found torturing her dog with a hot dog costume hilarious, I sent a picture of her to my mom. The response was pretty much a classic response as she was in the process of learning how to use her new Droid:

Me: "Abbey is dressed like a hot dog for halloween"
Mom: "Hi Jen how are you? :)"
Me: "Good how are you? Did you get my picture?"
Mom: "I'm ok I'm trying to learn this cell"
Me: "Did you get the picture?"

The next text is a video that my mom took of the wall

Mom: "She is si cue u went with her for tric tric?"

Next year, I plan on posting a video of my mom take my dog out trick-or-treating in the same hot dog costume while she dressed up as a bottle of ketchup and yells "tric tric!" at every house.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My mother sent me a text after dropping my brother off at the train station for a business trip.
Mom: "Hi jen how r u?"
Me: "Good how are you?"
Mom: "Good how are you? You going to pipi!"
Me: "I'm going to pee?"
Mom: "Yes you going to pipi de la risa!"

Translation: "De la risa" means "from laughter" in Spanish.

After this text message, I receive a phone call so she can tell me what is so funny that I was going to pipi. Please note - my expectations were pretty high. Her story:

"Jen I just dropped Vin off and he was yelling because I was late to pick him up and saying he was going to miss the train. I was late though. So I told him to shut your mouth and put on seat belt because your mommy was taking you to the train station! It was 5 o'clock and we had to drive to New York so there was so much traffic! I was in and out and in and out like crazy from the cars! His eyes got so big and he yelled 'slow down'! I said no, I told you we no going to be late! Well, we get there 15 minutes early."

Me: "So you drove like a crazy lady."
Mom: "He was so scared. He almost pipi in the car!"

She, then, proceeded to laugh into the phone for about 3 minutes and my expectations really need to be lowered next time.

Fiber

I know that I've mentioned this in the past, but when I get sick my mother calls me every 30 minutes or so to make sure that I'm still alive. If I don't answer, I start receiving numerous text messages and the phone calls every 2 minutes begin. A perfect example is when my mother called me to see how I was feeling and when I tried to answer the call, it was too late. So I call her back.

Mom: "Oh thank god you call me back. Where were you??"
Me: "I was in the bathroom"
Mom: "Why didn't you answer??? How long were you in there??"
Me: "You called me 5 seconds ago and I'm calling you back now"
Mom: "Oh ok"

She's not very good with time...

Now that I'm ill, the phone calls and texts started coming in. Except this time, they were more along the line of instructions.

Mom: "jen where ru that u dont answer with bronchitis where r u? r u ok"
Me: "I'm fine. I was laying down"
Mom: "jen but take fiber?"
Me: "Fiber? Why do I need to take fiber?"
Mom: "To see if you have 100"

The fact that I didn't know what a fiber was probably an indication that I was going to need help to get better so once I figured out what she was talking about, I responded.

Mom: "ok u have a little its ok go to bed now but if u wake up in the night take the fiber again and if you have 100 take a advil or if u want to take now is good too"
Mom: "you should call the doctor tomorrow if u still dont feel good"

So the next day I tell her that I'm still not feeling well and that I'm going to call the doctor. It was, at this point, that I think me being sick finally made her go a little crazy.

Mom: "Ok i'll call the doctor"
Me: "Why can't I call?"
Mom: "Yeah, you can talk with your mouth! You call! You're not 6 anymore!"

If you don't talk with your mouth, how else does one speak?? Was she mad that I'm not 6? No clue... I just let her go with it. Not saying anything is often times the best thing to "say".

Dot Com

My mom's birthday recently passed and I sent her a quick happy birthday text before meeting her for lunch. My mom is one of those people who gets depressed every year because she basically thinks she's going to die any second. She's not ill nor does she have any reason to believe she's going to die...she just expects to drop at any given second. After I sent her a happy birthday text, I receive a picture text from her.

Before I continue, we must discuss my mom's picture messaging. The second that she learned she could do this with her cell phone, she began taking pictures of other pictures and sending them to me. She thinks this is the greatest invention since sliced bread.

Anyway, she sends me a picture of the two of us that had been taken a few weeks prior and said "I love you! remember mi". This follows the trend that she will pass away and I, according to my mother, will forget she ever existed. That text was followed by:

Mom: "How are you?"
Me: "I'm good, how are you?"
Mom: "im so so today i dont know if because my birthday or what but i feel like chiet"
Me: "That sucks, i'm sorry"
Mom: ".com"

Luckily, Ifeellikechiet.com is currently available.

Twitter

As I'm driving to go out late one night, I receive a text message from my mom that confuses me to the point where I needed to hang my phone to the passenger in my car to help me decipher the message.

Mom: "what is tuister?"
Me: "a twister? It's a tornado"
Mom: "Ok"
Mom: "What is mind tuister?"
Me: "I have no idea. A game? Mind twister?"

Until then, I had been assuming she meant "twister", however, I usually try to pronounce the word she writes and try to rhyme it with another word to see if that's what she's talking about. Twister…toaster… No clue. Mind you, I'm doing this while I have a passenger in the car who probably thinks I have reached a new level of insanity. By this point, my mom who had become frustrated with my lack of knowledge regarding this mysterious word so she decides to call me.

Mom: "what is this word?"
Me: "I have no clue what you're talking about. Twister? Are you talking about a tornado? Why are you asking anyway?"
Mom: "One of my friend asked me to send tuister and I don't know what is"
Me: "A text message?"
Mom: "Oh..maybe! Yeah, that's it a text message. That's how they call it in Argentina"
Me: "I don't think Argentina has it's own word for text message"
Mom: "Yes they do. I talk to you later"

After we get off the phone, I'm telling the other person in the car that I don't think "text message" is what her friend meant. I try rhyming the word "tuister" again when my friend yells out "TWITTER!". I called my mom back to ask her if she was talking about twitter.

Me: "Are you talking about twitter?"
Mom: "Yes!! Twitter! What is?"
Me: "It's this online thing where you just post a sentence about what you're doing. Like a status update in Facebook"

Why I'm even comparing it to Facebook when my mom has never even been on Facebook is beyond me and I realize that it just creates more confusion.

Mom: "Facebook? Ok.. That's stupid. I don't want to join this twitter. Are you on it?"
Me: "No, I'm on Facebook"
Mom: "You are??? Maybe I will join!"

At that moment, I realize that telling her that I was on Facebook may end up with wall posts and comments from my mom once she inevitably joins. Great...

I'm Just Tired

I recently learned that if I am tired, I can't tell my mom without being asked about 20 questions. Example:

Mom: "How are you?"
Me: "Good, very tired…how r u?"
Mom: "why u r tired? r u sick?"
Me: "No, I couldn't fall asleep so I'm just tired"
Mom: "why u didnt sleep? Do u have a problem?"
Me: "no, I just wasn't tired"

I didn't realize that by saying I was tired, I would have to answer several questions in under a minute. I know now to keep that to myself.

The next day, I receive a text from her checking up on me since I was tired and she was worried about me:

Mom: "how do u feel today? R u tired?"
Me: "No, I'm fine today. How r u?"
Mom: "I m sick withcough I feel like shiet"

Even though I knew exactly what she was saying, I still thought it would be amusing to try to pronounce "shiet". In doing so..I realized that is actually how she says the word sheee-it.

Handy Man

Classic text message conversations are great but they're even better when it's in person. I have been painting my new house for the past couple weeks and my mom would randomly come over to bring coffee. I would have suggested she could help paint but it might be hard to do in heels since that is the only thing my mother wears on her feet. Anyway, one of the coffee trips she made she started telling us a story about doing things yourself around the house rather than hiring someone:

Mom: "Let me tell you. Do you remember grandpa?"

Apparently, I forgot who my grandfather is even though he passed away when I was 23 years old. She likes to do that with all of my relatives that passed away, as if I completely forgot that they existed.

Me: "Yes…I do remember him."
Mom: "Ok, well he did all the work himself in his house. He was such a handle man"
Me: "A handle man?"
Mom: "Yes, a handle man. He didn't need to hire anyone, he did everything himself"
Me: "You mean handy man"
Mom: "Yes. He was such a good handle man. He could fix anything. You remember right?"
Me: "Yeah, I remember him being a good…handle man"

At one point she would use the word "handy man" correctly, but then go back to using "handle man", which makes the conversation that much more confusing for people who aren't used to her English. So I did what any daughter would do…I stood there and smiled while watching everyone attempt to understand.

Lady GaGa

Although this is not a text, it was a pretty awesome conversation (Remember our Mother's Day breakfast?). I recently went to a concert and my mom called me the next day to ask me how it was:

Mom: "How was the concert?"

Me: "It was really good. I had fun"

Mom: "That's good. Who was it?"

Me: "Lady GaGa"

Mom: "WHO?! Lady Faha?"

Me: "Lady GaGa. She sings dancey-pop music. You don't know her"

Mom: "Who knows who this is? Lady Faha. Who has a name like that?"

Me: "It's Lady GaGa. With a G"

Mom: "I thought you were seeing Gwen!"

My mother is actually on a first-name basis with Gwen Stefani from No Doubt. They go way back...

Me: "No, No Doubt isn't touring. I saw them over the summer"

Mom: "Oh, I thought you were seeing them. You only see them"

Me: "I see other people too..."

I now know that the next concert I go to, I will say it was No Doubt regardless of who was playing. It's easier to explain...

Finally!

I know, I know...it's been ages since my last post! Not that I haven't had the material, there will always be lots to talk about. Since my last post, there has been many great text messages from my mom. So I will start with a few good ones:

My mom will sometimes ask me for directions which always ends up in a disaster because you think she's actually listening to you when you're explaining things, but I assure you...she's not. This makes it difficult when telling her where to go because she'll say "ok thanks" and then she guesses where to go and ends up about 20 miles away from where she's supposed to be. A great example is when I gave her directions to meet me somewhere, I didn't have enough time to explain it so I sent her an e-mail. Little did I know...that wasn't a good idea because this conversation took place about 3 days after that e-mail was sent:

Mom: "jen what mind merge?"
Me: "What?"
Mom: "merge what is?"

Not knowing she was talking about the directions, I respond with "to merge? it's combining 2 things together"
Mom: "Ok tks"

Now..you would think that this obviously made no sense to her since "combining 2 things together" wouldn't exactly be helpful when you're lost. I just figured she wanted to know what a random word meant. So about 5 minutes later, I realize she may be talking about the directions.

Me: "Wait, r u talking about the directions? That means to get on the highway"
Mom: "Yes"

As many of you have read in the past, my mom has often misspelled words and the texts need to be deciphered. However, I started receiving texts that have actual words that are spelled correctly but don't really make sense in her sentence. This usually causes more confusion than misspelled or made-up words.

Mom: "i feel like piece of cheat"
Me: "what's a piece of cheat?"
Mom: "i dont feel good!"

I assume she was trying to use another expression that may be obvious looking at the full conversation and maybe "piece of cheat" is a new sensored way of saying it?? I should start using that, maybe we'll start a trend.

My mom isn't that great with common expressions, which is common for people from other countries...but that doesn't make it any less amusing.

Mom: "jen someone want to translate this this is my story and i am sticking to it. what is sticking?"

I explained that the expression meant that the person wasn't going to change their story. I was then told that she thinks that expression is stupid...or in her words..a "piece of cheat" expression!

Apple Picking

Mothers can make you feel happy when you're sad and make you laugh when you need it the most. On the other hand, mothers can also make you feel like a loser when you thought you were having fun.

Mom: "Ok what u doing?"
Me: "we're going apple picking"
Mom: "Uah!! u return to be a little girl again?"
Mom: "Ok enjoed"

If you have been following this blog, you would have noticed that my mom has used the term "enjoed" several times when she means "enjoy". I can correct her...but what fun would that be?? I'm not sure if "uah" is supposed to be her "text message code" for "wow" or if it's a new sound effect that she's using in order to emphasize her making fun of you through a text message.

The next day:

Mom: "Jen did u pick a lot apples?"
Me: "We picked a good amount, did you want any?"
Mom: "Yes i would like"

As long as I was "returning to be a little girl again" and picking apples, she wanted a few.

Are You Yourself?

There are many instances where my mom does something and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why anyone would do that. Example:

Mom: "theres no electricity is so boring"
Me: "so go somewhere"
Mom: "where? is so boring"
Me: "so ur just sitting there in the dark?"
Mom: "yes"

This conversation took place around 8pm on a Saturday - why she couldn't just go somewhere rather than sit in the dark is just beyond me. However, if she thinks I should be out rather than at home, she thinks I'm crazy.

Mom: "How are you?Where are you?"
Me: "I'm good I'm home"
Mom: "U dont go out?"
Me: "I went out for dinner before and now I'm back home"
Mom: "U r yourself"
Me: "No"
Mom: "Ok i talk tomorrow"

I assumed that she was asking if I was home alone, but she very well could have been asking me if I'm myself and I responded with "No" so she didn't want to talk to this other side of me. I'm thinking the latter is correct.

Trojan

Since my mother is now back from Argentina, I've been receiving more text messages AND phone calls. Most of the time, there is no purpose to the phone calls but my favorite is when she calls me and is silent for a second and then asks "So why did you call?". Clearly, she's losing it. Today's phone conversation was pretty classic.

Mom: "Jenny, this is telling me I need extra protection. It says I have a condom for the trojan"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Mom: "It's $60 extra, should I get it?"

Me: "What the hell are you talking about?"

Mom: "It has a condom for the trojan...you know?"

Me: "No, I have no idea what you're talking about"

Mom: "Oh, yes you do! You know..a condom. C...O....N..."

Me: "Yes, I know how to spell condom. But I don't know what you're talking about." (I was praying that she wasn't talking about what I think she was talking about and if I kept saying that I don't know, she would just go away)

Mom: "I don't know how else to tell you. They say I need extra protection in Norton"

Me: "OH! On your laptop!"

Mom: "Yes, I think I have a virus"

Me: "There's no condom, it's just a virus. You're talking about 2 different things"

For a while there, I thought my mom wanted to connect with me and tell me things that no parent should ever tell their child. No matter how old you are, no child is ever old enough to have that type of a conversation with their parent...especially when they're at work.

Since she has been back my favorite text message has been when I told my mom through a text message that I got promoted at work:

Mom: "uahh! congratulation im so happy now u can pay a lunch ja jaja"

Me: "Thanks"

Mom: "U welcame"

In the end, all my mom really wants is a free lunch.

I Call Me Later

I know, I know...I haven't posted anything in a while - I'm sorry! I do have a couple good ones since my last post, so enjoy!
Although my mom has been in Argentina for the past 2 months, nothing really has changed. Since she has been there, she's become very impatient with my responses.

Mom (9:07 pm): "Jen what u doing?"
Mom (9:08 pm): "Jen what u doing?"

She gave me about 45 seconds to answer and I failed. I have become quite the speedy texter though.

Mom: "Hi jen did came from school?"
Me: "Yeah, I just got home"
Mom: "Ok I call me later"

I'm not sure how she was going to call herself later or why, for that matter. I think she's been in the country for too long and needs to talk to someone...and that someone is herself.

This one is probably my favorite:
Mom: "Call me is emergency"
Mom: "Call me is emergency im living now"
Mom: "Im ok"

Was she dead? And why is she texting in the middle of an emergency? I would guess that it would be easier and faster to call someone. As I'm receiving these texts, I'm trying to call her but her she wasn't picking up her phone (yet she was still texting...). She was probably mad that it takes me a whole minute to respond to text messages, so maybe she was bored and wondered if there was an emergency how long it would take me to call.

This next one leads me to believe that my mother has gone crazy. While I'm at work, she calls me and we talk for about 5 minutes on the phone. I hang up at 3:36pm. At 3:38pm, I receive the following:

Mom: "hi jen how r u?"
Me: "I'm ok. I just spoke to you 2 minutes ago"
Mom: "I know i decide to msg"

I recently received my phone bill and for 1/2 a month of my mom's international text messages, my phone bill went up about $50. The extra charge is only for the text messages. Since international text messages are $.25 each, that means that 200 text messages were sent. I'm certain that I only sent about 50. I'm so excited for the full month's charge...

International Texts Part Dos

As I mentioned in the previous post, I've received the most confusing text messages while my mom has been in Argentina.

Mom: "Jeny how much was deposit From the school hi jen how r u?

I guess she was trying to save text messages by sending 2 messages in one? I also like how she called me Jenny or "Jeny" when she talks about something serious and when it's to see how I am, my name changes to Jen.

Mom: "Ohow its your work? k im good its cold here today h"

I learned that this text message was the easiest to understand. For example, for the rest of the day, I received the following:

Mom @ 10:32am: "Ahwith vin?h good fo u will have lunch wi"
Mom @ 10:34am : "Ok i ll call u or u can doit"

I'm not sure if the end of the 1st text message was accidentally moved to the beginning or she was telling me good for you for having lunch - either scenario could work. I did not respond to the first text message so I'm not quite sure what prompted the 2nd text message or even know what she's talking about. What did she want me to do? I have no idea...

Mom @ 2:00pm: "Hi jen how r u?"
Mom @ 2:08pm: "Jen r u ok!!"

I was given 8 minutes to respond to the first text message. Unfortunately, I was in a meeting at work and couldn't do so - I'm pretty sure the police were called because I, of course, was dead in a ditch.

International Text Messages

My mom recently left for Argentina and will be there until the middle of August. Yes...a full 2 months. Some of you may be upset thinking that there wouldn't be a post until she comes back. Fortunately, you are incorrect! I've received more texts in the past week since she has left than I do when she is in the United States. To be honest, I'm a little scared to look at my cell phone bill since international texts are not included in any text message package and are billed per text message received and sent.

Right before she boarded the plane, I received one last text message:

Mom: "Jen when u can email me vin email and put in my conctact"

Me: "You have his e-mail already in your contacts. You just e-mailed him"

Mom: "Ah!! ok"

Once she landed, I received the following text:

Mom: "im good GRACE"

Apparently, in the 13 hours that it took her land in Argentina, I had forgotten her name. Once I received that text, the rest just started pouring in.

Mom @ 1:11pm: "pls checmYVOICE MAIL+TKS" (I think I should teach her to proofread)

Mom @ 1:14pm: "did u check now?"

Me @ 1:16pm: "You didn't have any new messages"

Mom @ 1:17pm: "ok tks"

All of a sudden, she's the fastest text messenger! And very needy.

While I was at work one day, I started receiving all of these text messages that made no sense.

Mom @ 1:49pm: "Im ok"

Mom @ 1:57pm: "Im ok"

Mom @ 2:02pm: "Ok and vin?"

Mom @ 3:04pm: "Ok im ok i call you later"

Mom @ 10:26am (next day): "Im ok"

Mom @ 10:26am: "Im ok" (No, that's not a typo. They were sent within 30 seconds of each other)

At this point, I have no clue what's going on! I just keep receiving text messages every couple minutes saying that she was fine. I finally get her on the phone and ask her what she was doing. She tells me that she's fine and she couldn't figure out her phone so she just kept sending text messages to test her phone. It would have been so much less confusing if I knew she was going to be running text message tests. I hope she pays me back for those "Im ok" text message tests because, at this rate, my entire paycheck will be paying to know that she's ok every minute and a half.

No Doubt!

There will always be specific songs, smells, and places that remind us of someone. For my mother, it's really any song that came out in the 1990s, especially any song by No Doubt. I got a call from my mom and she was telling me that she was watching the Spanish version of American Idol where each week the contestants have to sing a song based on the week's theme. I'm not quite sure what this week's theme was, but one of the contestants sang a No Doubt song. This automatically meant that I was receiving a phone call.

Mom: "The Argentinean girl on the show remind me of you"

Me: "The girl did? Why?"

Mom: "She sing a song of No Doubt. I remember you listen to them all the time when Vin went to college. Do you remember?"

Me: "Yeah I remember"

Mom: "Yeah No Doubt. That with Glenn Stefan"

Me: "Yeah, Gwen Stefani is the singer"

Mom: "That girl sang the song so good! And she doesn't even speak English"

My mom always had a problem with Gwen Stefani's name. Glenn Stefan is a new one. She used to yell "I'm so sick of hearing that music with When!"

I recently told her that I bought tickets to see No Doubt in concert, which prompted her to ask me "They are still around?! Oh my god.." Yes...When/Glenn Stefan is still around.